If you've read my blog from the beginning you'll notice that things have drastically changed. But if you haven't, I'll tell you, that starting today, this blog is going through a makeover (you'll find the irony in this later). Although I enjoyed writing about clothes, styling and fashion for a bit, I could not continue to lie to myself for too much longer. Fashion is not my passion, Jesus is. And if nothing I do goes back to Him it's pointless. Blogging is pointless if you aren't writing about things that are true matters of the author's heart. So, it's time for me to be real with myself.
I am tired of living to please people with my appearance. I have reached the point where I can't decide if I am dressing for my gratification or for the gratification of someone else. This tug of war that I am in is exhausting. For years I have struggled with my looks. The taunting and teasing of childhood peers are the root of my insecurities. I would lose minutes of my life staring in the mirror, studying every structure of my face. I was trying my best to decide if I was someone people could find attractive. Quickly, I would decide that attraction did not rest in my features, and with grave disappointment I would reach for the tools that were supposed to "make-up" for all the areas that I lacked. There were some days that I felt as if I had steel chains that linked me to my makeup bag. I became a slave to the morning routine of instant change.
But for who?
Who was I changing for? Daily, I woke up and I began the robotic routine of improving myself. Straight lines on my eyes, pink clouds on my cheeks, flawless brown skin. I was becoming me...or at least the worlds view of me. But my thinking behind this was flawed, probably more flawed than the face I was trying to mask away from the world. The truth is, at the end of the day,despite any little comments that I might have received, when I came home and the concealer came off the only thing I was left with was me. The real me, the me that was created in the image of God.
God.
It's funny. When I add Him into the equation of my dependency on makeup (as I should have from the beginning) I'm realizing that putting make-up on my face to improve my natural born features is the biggest insult to God. To the one that created me and gave me to this world. To the One is perfect and without flaw. To the One who doesn't make mistakes.
I am not beautiful because my best friend's sister's husband's homeboy told me so.
I am beautiful because God says so and He desires to have me.
"And the king will desire your beauty. Bow down to him, for he is your lord."
-PSALM 45:11
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